I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
