A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize