Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
