just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
