We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
