But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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