I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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