i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
