So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
