I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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