More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
