i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
