Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
