I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize