no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
