then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
