the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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