I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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