She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
