im about as happy as oj after his trial
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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