You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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