never play flip cup with pint glasses
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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