Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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