I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize