Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
