First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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