my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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