capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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