I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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