chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
