i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
