dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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