I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
