I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
