i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
