I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
