the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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