I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
