I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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