I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
