Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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