Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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