I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
