She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
