If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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