I'm pants shitting drunk right now
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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