ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
