i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
