totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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