i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
