guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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