On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
