I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
