when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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