you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize