you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
