Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
