I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
