dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
