Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need moral support for this bender
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
