I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
