I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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