next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dignity is for republicans.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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