u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
