I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
