You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
