They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
