If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
