where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
