Your face is a jimmy john
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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