i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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