OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
