Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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