So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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