i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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