Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
