if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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