For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize