I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
