dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
