Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
COCAINE IS GR8
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
