you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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