Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
