are you still at the devil's house?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
