Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
