i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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